Category Archives: Spirituality

An Ode to My Alone Girls

01 Wednesday Apr 2020

Posted by in Femininity, Healing, Motivational thought, Spirituality, Women's Thought

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Lynette Yiadom-Boakye

This is a different kind of alone, girl

The kind you are relieved you don’t enjoy

After all

You thought you were made for this. 

You who traipse through foreign lands to meet strangers

You who never run except more deeply into herself

 

Now quarantine brings this different kind of alone girl

She who sees couples walk casually by on sidewalks through her window

She who sees photos posted on IG of people alone…but they are not selfies

 

Is anyone else really alone, girl? 

 

And now you who thought you were brave

A shadow walker, you said,

Meet the One who asks as you shimmy alone in your kitchen to Afrobeats 

“Don’t you wanna dance with somebody?” 

 

But you listen here alone girl 

You who make daily calls to check on people because you can 

You who is a first responder of all their pain 

You who knows we are all alone, really

You think you aren’t made for this? 

 

Men may live and die alone, revered

While she is forgotten, a pity 

She who swims deep with whales mystifying folks when she comes up for air

She who walks through valleys of her own shadows and flinches not

 

Come, let us be together alone, girl 

 

Take deep inhales

Breathe in all your breathtaking solitude 

Make more tea

Exhale before you sip on that hot mug of silence steaming in your hands

 

Pray for the one you know will come 

to shimmy with you in aromatic kitchens

walk quietly beside you on sidewalks past strangers windows. 

Pray they are also growing quietly more confident in their aloneness 

Readying for the order to lift 

Readying to see the new world in 20/20 vision

Readying like Rilke to become something

“…to become world, to become world…for another’s sake”

 

Until then my fierce alone girl

Be solitude

Opaque and undisputed

Light another candle

Become all flame 

 

@colliemae  

 

wounded ambition

03 Monday Apr 2017

Posted by in #prayer, Femininity, Healing, Motivational thought, Spirituality, Uncategorized, Vocation, Women's Thought

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Their Eyes Were Watching God by Rhonda Gray

Our wounds can come to shape our ambitions. If you’ve suffered abuse, rejection, or neglect; when your worth and your identity has been threatened, you may be driven by a desire to prove your worth to yourself and others.

But “success” for approvals sake is a dangerous, arduous, and ultimately fruitless undertaking. The desire for approval is a deceptive motivator because by its energy you may in fact accomplish much, while never arriving at true fulfillment, inner peace or joy. For those on a healing journey, as inner trauma is released, we may notice our desires and ambitions begin to shift. Our definitions of success change. Let them.

The path of healing for the wounded ambition is the way of humility. And for the very wounded, who by nature of their trauma become the very proud, the journey can be hard and long.

So begin. And begin again.

Be gentle and patient with yourself.

Pride is stubborn and tough, like snake skin. But it sheds. Layer by layer.

What causes it to shed? Surrender, surrender, surrender. And submission. Submitting to a Power great than oneself. Because contrary to the wounded cry of selfish-ambition, You are not in this alone… You are not the master of your own fate. You are not the sole arbiter of your destiny.

You are one in the company of many, in the fellowship of a great I AM.

You are not even YOU at all.

 

Prayer for Mercy 

12 Monday Sep 2016

Posted by in #prayer, Spirituality, Uncategorized

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God of Love and Mercy,

Give us your heart. Let us be overwhelmed by compassion for ourselves as we move throughout our week, doing for ourselves what we might more easily do for others. Let us be gentle and nurturing, and loving and kind to ourselves that in doing so, we are able to extend the same loving kindness to all those we encounter.

God keep your promises, and hear our prayer.

Give us a generous measure of grace to truthfully examine our own hearts, and the courage to confront our own beauty, to encounter our deep worthiness, to embrace our divine inheritance that we would fulfill this deep call in our hearts to be lights in a dark and dying world.

God keep your promises, and hear our prayer.

Give us your mind so that we can know the truth. Let us weigh every word spoken – every news report, every Facebook post, every bit of gossip shared – against your words of Life. Teach us your thoughts, show us your ways, set us free.

God keep your promises, and hear our prayer.

Give us your eyes and let judgment be far from us. Let us see ourselves and others through the same lens by which you see. Show us just a glimpse of your vision of us, for even a small preview would be enough to radically change our view of ourselves, and our view of others. And we want to change how we see.

God keep your promises, and hear our prayer.

And God…Give us a break. We confess we carry burdens you have already invited us to unload. But we like our bags, they comfort us, so we ignore your invitation and suffer in vain. Teach us how to let go. We give you permission to take our loads. Teach us the meaning of mercy and grace. Teach us more of this radical love you have for us. Undo everything we know, unravel us, and when we find ourselves overwhelmed by this new uncertainty, this daunting cloud of unknowing…help us not to be afraid.

God keep your promises, and hear our prayer.

Amen.

#ListenLosAngeles

26 Tuesday Jul 2016

Posted by in Music, Pop Culture, Social Justice, Spirituality

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“Racism is a sin. And America’s greatest shame. Let us be free from it’s grip. Free at last. Free of the weight of the oppression and the shame. And let us collectively count the cost of freedom. And be willing to expose every wound, every poorly bandaged bruise of racism’s long, strong, hold on this country; on our minds and our hearts. However it may hurt, however much the discomfort, let us talk and listen. Our healing is long overdue. Let us refuse to be almost free, any longer.” 

Come join us and listen to prophetic voices of truth. 

This Friday July 29, 2016 at 7pm at 4520 Cutter St. Los Angeles Ca 90039.

#ListenLosAngeles #BlackLivesMatter

https://listen.splashthat.com

  

an Epiphany

05 Tuesday Jan 2016

Posted by in Decision making, Motivational thought, Spirituality, Vocation

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According to some tradition, Christmas isn’t over yet. Today is the 11th day of Christmas. That song…”on the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me…” wasn’t just a randomly written folk song. In the orthodox liturgical calendar there are technically 12 days of Christmas – the first being Christmas day which is widely celebrated religiously, culturally, and commercially. The last day, the 12th day, marks the beginning of a liturgical season called Epiphany. In the greek language, the word epiphany means to reveal, to show, or to make manifest.

I love this word epiphany. Webster’s dictionary defines it as: a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience. It’s a striking definition considering I often spend a lot of time seeking or trying to gain insight into things. I love to read and research. I love to ponder things and contemplate life. Those who know me and spend time with me know me as someone who you’re not likely to have a casual conversation with. I’m always looking underneath the surface of things.

Lately, I’ve been reading a book about vocation, by Parker Palmer.  In Let Your Life Speak, Palmer writes, “If we are to live our lives fully and well, we must learn to embrace the opposites, to live in a creative tension between our limits and our potentials.” In my reading and reflection of his writing, and in examining my own gifts and vocation, I’ve come to terms with aspects of myself in ways that are both disturbing and relieving. I think we can spend a great deal of time trying to be things we are not. Or avoiding being who we are because of the limitations our gifts place upon us.

In my younger years, I was pretty much the same kind of girl I am now…I liked to read and write. I was quiet and focused. Sure, I had playful moments. I loved all the usual kid stuff…swimming, skateboarding, sledding, riding bikes…and I played just about every sport until I finally gave up softball in college. But if you put me in the house with a stack of books, I was good to go. I wasn’t a restless child, I didn’t need much company (well, I had three sisters so that was often enough!). My point is, in digging for “Who I am”…I’ve really just rediscovered who I’ve always been…. a writer. To write, requires one to sit still and focus on getting what’s in your head out onto paper…or the screen (as I’m doing now). To write also requires one to be comfortable with feeling stuck, and this odd feeling of nothingness that comes upon you. It’s akin to feeling, well, bored! But it’s in boredom’s finest moment that the muse shows up. Full of ideas. That emptying of yourself, and resisting the urge to fill the emptiness with some activity, gives my imagination the endless opportunity it desires to be filled. I know how to hold space, be present, make like a container and get filled.

So yay! I’m a writer. Vocational life crisis solved, right? Psssh. Except…coming to terms with oneself usually always means coming to terms with one’s whole self. My vocation is writing, and with it all the other mundane things I mentioned I’m really good at – being still, feeling empty, getting bored. And then new crisis emerges because none of this sounds like fun. Unless I shift my perspective and define fun based on what gives me pleasure, rather than what brings someone else pleasure.

And herein lies the Epiphany. Coming to terms with our gifts and our limitations may not always be a pleasant experience. Especially for those of us who pride ourselves in our ability to do anything or be anything. Though I often procrastinate and make excuses (would I truly be a writer if I didn’t?;) I typically do not like saying, “I can’t” do something. I like being capable and accomplished. I’m rewarded when I am able to perform tasks. And naturally, I love to be rewarded. Who doesn’t? But to get to the bottom of who we truly are, and what we are born to be and do in this world, we will have to come face to face with who we cannot be in this world. At first this meeting feels like defeat…but it passes. Like a dense fog lifting and then suddenly you see you are standing in the middle of a beautiful lavender field at sunset…sky above you stretching for miles…

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You’ve been standing in this field your entire life. You just didn’t realize it.

You can’t rush revelation

02 Tuesday Jun 2015

Posted by in Spirituality, Uncategorized

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Vision and purpose are revealed. Plans are made once you get the revelation. Being a goal-oriented, to-do-list-happy people, we often confuse the process. If anything, plans are the work we must do to live into the potential of what has been revealed; to live into the potential of who we now know we are.

I’m all for vision boards. But at a point, there’s a concrete distinction between what we identify as what we want (ie. What I put on my vision board are my ideas and I’m telling God, the universe, myself…what I want) vs. the type of vision that is revealed, the sort of vision you weren’t even thinking about, can’t even imagine. This kind of vision hadn’t even crossed your mind until it was placed there. Or, it had always been there, in your mind, but only visible to your mind’s seeing eye in a state of consciousness you hadn’t the practice to be aware of. This is the kind of vision I speak of. It’s more of a revelation. And it’s such a revelation that it often cannot even be spoken of. You can’t manifest this kind of vision. IT will manifest you.

The word revelation comes from the Latin revelare or the English, reveal. Revelare is to lay bare, it’s origin is ‘re’ + ‘velum’ ….the ‘re’ expresses a reversal, meaning again. The ‘velum’ is veil.  To reveal…is the bringing to light of something that’s gone unnoticed to you. Something that was once known, but somehow became unknown to you, is now being laid bare…uncovered. It already existed…so it’s more like a re-sharing of knowledge.  It’s now knowledge for everyone, but you’ve been chosen, selected to be privy to this information. So revelation comes like a whispered secret. It’s not shouted…it’s not Facebook messaged…it’s not casually mentioned. And you can’t force the holder of the information to tell you. It will be revealed, in their own time, when they are ready…when you are ready. But stillness, silence, and solitude (I call them the Three S’s)…they are postures for receiving revelation. This posture signals to the teller, that you are ready for the hidden facts, that you will honor these secrets.

We’re always looking for something to do. Being still is a daily challenge even for me, who is one not overly inclined to being active or busy-ness. And being still as I am of late, I do think there is some truth to the old saying, “Idle minds are the devils workshop” so I understand every word of advise and inner resistance we have to what feels like doing nothing. Yet every day, despite “warnings,” I choose to notice the gentle urging for me to remain in this quiet rest of contemplation. Maybe having an intention, to put all of this stillness and waiting in context, helps.

If you desire to know something – Who am I? What am I doing? When will it come? Where am I going? Why am I here?

Rest, my loves. Let vision come. You cannot force its hand. Let purpose be revealed. God works slow. We have to slow down. We have to slow down if we ever want to see…

 

Be fruitful people

19 Tuesday May 2015

Posted by in Decision making, Spirituality

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I was on a fast track. Everybody was telling me that I was a really talented TV producer. I can be really good at a lot of things, so I believed them. But this time (perhaps because being good at producing a TV show actually counted for something trackable on IMDB, and accumulated to real dollars in my bank account), I noticed I was also becoming really easily influenced by other people’s perceptions of me. I was getting too comfortable being what other people wanted me to be.

It’s a human thing. We need acceptance. And as children being accepted by family, and schoolmates, peers is how we develop our self-image and a healthy sense of self-esteem. Especially in our rewards-based educational system. When we do good, we are rewarded and consequently accepted. It’s how we learn to do life in our formative years.

But as you mature in the spiritual life, formation takes on a slightly different form. You begin to notice a distinction between Doing and Being. You may begin to sense that what you are good at doing is not quite the same as who you were created to be. And at a certain point along the road to spiritual self-discovery, you find yourself asking not, “What am I doing?” but, “Who am I being?” And God is drawing you to that question because our perceived ideas about who we are that are based on what we do, the role we play in this world, hinder our ability to become who God intends us to be.

This does not mean you can’t enjoy what you do. I enjoy producing. I enjoy the role I play on set, directing talent, developing stories. It’s good, mostly clean, fun. So when I started to ask myself, “Who am I being?”, I was very aware that I was good at what I was doing, and set no intention to never do what I do as a producer again.  I wasn’t leaving behind a life, I was just letting it go for a moment. It wasn’t a “Bye Felicia”, it was an act of surrender in response to the invitation of God I felt impressing itself upon my heart.

The aim of the spiritual life is to be released from an overattachment, or overidentification with our roles (ie. what I do); and free to identify with who we are in the Spirit. And when God has a vision and purpose for your life, from time to time, he may stop the clock, slow us down…giving us the opportunity to realign ourselves with the truth of who we are in God. And I trust this process.  So much so that I’m starting to envision what I will produce when I get back in the game. I imagine it may somehow be more authentic, more honest, more brave.

Jesus said, we will be known by our fruits. Which implies that first, we must know our roots.

He also once shared a parable to his disciples…it was about a barren fig tree. And I love this parable because it shows us how we can still be alive, with dried up fruit…or alive and not bearing any fruit at all…

“A man had a fig tree planted in his vineyard, and he came seeking fruit on it and found none.  And he said to the vinedresser, ‘Look, for three years now I have come seeking fruit on this fig tree, and I find none. Cut it down. Why should it use up the ground?’ And he answered him, ‘Sir, let it alone this year also, until I dig around it and put on manure.  Then if it should bear fruit next year, well and good; but if not, you can cut it down.'” Luke 13:6-9

This is the spiritual life. You begin to notice a dryness. You ignore it. Until one day, someone comes looking for your fruit. And you remember what you were created for. And you begin to pay attention to the tree. You remember, there’s still life in you. You start to dig around inside, you begin to excavate your soul. It is not easy work. But with every diligent and intentional act of care and kindness you offer yourself, the truth of who you are is revealed. With persistence and courage, you find the joy, you find the fruitful life you were determined to rediscover. Then you begin to produce what you were created to produce.

Be determined

16 Saturday May 2015

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Confidence is a static state. Determination is active. Determination allows for doubt and for humility – both of which are critical in the world today. There is so much that we don’t know, and so much that we know we don’t know. To be overly confident or without doubt seems silly to me. Determination, on the other hand, is a commitment to win, a commitment to fight the good fight.

Anna Deveare Smith, Letters to a young artist

 

 

Go where the peace is

12 Tuesday May 2015

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There’s a misconception about peace. We tend to believe that being at peace means the absence of discomfort, but it’s actually quite the opposite. Our inclination towards being comfortable can mislead us. In reality, God most often leads us to places fraught with challenges because this is how we grow in love.  And what God wants most for us is to be equal to God in Love.

The spiritual life is a journey. We’re all headed somewhere. And like any journey, along the way, there will be danger, doubt, confusion, feelings of being alone, mixed with moments of sheer joy. It is easy to become consumed by what happens to us along the way and distracted from seeing instead, what is happening within us, and what God is becoming for us.

Seeing life through a spiritual lens involves changing our perception of who we are and who God is for us.  And it takes work. Mostly because the first thing we see clearly when we put on our spiritual glasses are the false truths we tell ourselves. We see how we actually prefer the distractions because the way we are accustomed to seeing is more comforting to us than the hard work and discomfort of transformation. Yet it is in this way, that we also begin to see that the peace that God desires for us, offers us a different sort of freedom. Not freedom from trouble or discomfort, but freedom from our own illusions –  that God is not present, at work within us, walking before us, whispering behind us. The greatest illusion is that we are alone, that we could actually drift beyond God’s reach.

This is not an easy shift in perception. But the shift does comes about slowly through a practiced, intentional effort to align ourselves with seeing through a spiritual lens. Contemplative prayer (or meditation) helps to re-align the way we see. As we sit, the mind shows us all kinds of thoughts and worries, even bright ideas. These thoughts will never go away…and that is not the goal of quiet prayer. Resting in Presence teaches you that while everything goes on around you, within you there is a place that is still and quiet, a place that exists beyond our thought world, a place where peace exists within us, regardless of what’s going on around us. We may only access that peace for a few seconds here or there when we first begin to practice. But over time, we will learn to find our way to that place with more frequency, not through any effort or will of our own, but by gently responding to God’s invitation to come and stay a little longer this time.