Midrash

16 Thursday Apr 2020

Posted by thecontemplativediva in #prayer, Contemplative Thought, Femininity, Mystic, Spirituality, Vocation, Women's Thought

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Adam and Eve Leaving the Garden by Haitian artist Lucien Saul

This week I began a retreat facilitated by a woman in Ireland who has an on-line abbey focused on transformative living through contemplative and expressive arts. For the next 8 weeks, I’ll be on a pilgrim journey with what appears to be about 100 other monastic souls from all over the world.

One of the creative practices we are invited to explore in this retreat is the ancient Jewish practice of Midrash a form of storytelling Rabbis used to fill in the gaps (so to speak) of inconsistencies found in scripture. Apparently, this became an important component of Jewish literature.

In Judaism, scripture is sometimes described as black fire on white fire. Black fire is the words on the page. Midrash illuminates the white fire, the spaces between the words that are written. Through midrash we explore the gaps in the story, the missing voices, the silences, the wondering that is sparked.

One of our assignments this week was to write Midrash based on Adam and Eve being expelled from the Garden of Eden. Genesis 3:23-24 says, “therefore the Lord God sent him forth from the garden of Eden, to till the ground from which he was taken. He drove out the man; and at the east of the garden of Eden he placed the cherubim, and a sword flaming and turning to guard the way to the tree of life.”

According to Christine Valters-Painter, Adam and Eve were the first pilgrims. Set out on a journey. Sent by God. The first to answer the call.

Here is my Midrash based on the reading:

Where dost Thou send me?

Forth unto what, where, whom? With this stranger beside me who somewhere in the depths of my virgin soul I know. Or have always known. But a stranger still.

Sent from the only place these eyes have known. Though in truth, Eden never felt like Home.

No. It is darker where I remember Home.

Empty. Absent. Void.

And at its center a beam. That constantly drew me. I was in perpetual motion. Endless acceleration. Propelled.

Like to this beam I belonged. It warmed me.

Like these flames now, meant to keep me from this garden.

But I know. I know. No matter where we go. In those flames is where I belong. They will draw me back Home.

Like a lighthouse for my soul.

Yea, now I am being sent. Set out on this mission. Meant to fill this foreign place with objects of your love.

History will not tell this version.

Nay, they will say I left you. Heartbroken. They will plot the narrative of redemption. Surely, surely my sons and daughters will lose the way.

Until a beam you will send. A map for the soul. Plunged into darkness. An empty womb. Then they will remember what Mother always knew.

So, farewell Eden.

You rest stop. Halfway house. Trailer of mistaken affection.

Home was always before you.

Now since I must, let me delight in this creation. With all its make do’s and grandiose trifles.

Thou hast chosen well the one to send. I shall mock this earthly substitute. I shall remember that I Am.

Cherubims and flaming swords cannot keep Love from Itself.

Pitiful guards when my ancestors are stardust, fire and ice.

Here now – the difficult art of being still (part 1)

25 Monday Mar 2019

Posted by thecontemplativediva in #prayer, Uncategorized

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#centeringprayer, #christianmeditation, #contemplative, #contemplativediva, #contemplativelife, #contemplativeoutreach, #excavateyoursoul, #innerwork, #jamesfinley, #meditation, #practice, #prayer, #solitude, #soulcarela, #spirituality, #spiritualjourney, #stillness, #wisdomforthetrenches

Week three here now in Mexico and feeling like I actually just arrived.

Last week was messy! All about coming to terms with how far I’d wandered away from the contemplative path that has grounded me spiritually for the last decade or so. And in that process of necessary confrontational love and honesty, I had to accept how crucial it is to my actual creative goals here to first restore and reestablish my spiritual practice of contemplative meditation.

Before I can DO, I must BE.

It was jarring (to say the least) for me to confront how uncomfortable I was feeling being here with no one I know and nothing to do. I’m what most people would consider an extremely chill person who is completely comfortable spending time alone. I don’t strive to be busy and I am not at all impressed by people who always feel the need to be doing something. I do not bore easily. I do not need to be out and about a lot. I do not see the sun out and think, “Oh my gosh. What a beautiful day, I need to get out and enjoy it.” Nope. Not me. I am not outdoorsy. I’m indoorsy. And I’ve been this way since I was a child.

So then, you could imagine the discomfort I was experiencing in coming to terms with how badly I was lying to myself about myself But it’s not easy to hide from yourself in the powerful light of a full moon 😉 …and in this waxing and waning fullness, I came to acknowledge a truth that I’d been conveniently avoiding in LA – that while I do spent a significant amount of time either at home or alone, I have not in fact been practicing true solitude.

There’s a difference, I have learned, between the art of solitude and the counterfeit art of ESCAPE. Solitude allows for experiences of aloneness that open us up to a greater awareness of a deep abiding Presence within us and in those around us. Escapism, on the other hand, opens us up to the darker emotions – like the pain of loneliness that can often lead to or resemble depression; or even more worrisome, avoidance and denial of emotion entirely (often manifest is various forms of addiction, -isms, and co-dependancy.)

Here now, in returning to my own practice of meditation known as Centering Prayer, I am accepting an invitation to enter into this solitude and to be met in my aloneness by this deep abiding, loving Presence. And this practice is in turn giving me an unspoken permission to resist the constant urges to go do something. (In fact, the few times I have actually left my cozy neighborhood here, I’ve been less than impressed. What the locals say about Coyoacan I am finding to be completely true. Here, I am in an oasis of peace and charm in an otherwise very hectic city that is honestly, in my opinion, both overwhelming and underwhelming at once. But I digress…)

This invitation and unspoken permission to Be Still is also crucial to my creative process because well, I am a writer and in all practicality, writing requires stillness – a lot of inactivity. Being a writer AND a contemplative, I can’t accomplish my goals, neither creative nor spiritual, by running around all day, constantly looking for someone to hang out with, or something to do or see. It’s pretty cut and dry – if I’m out being busy, I’m not doing what I really want to do which is write.

When I accepted this reality last week, and 1) shut down all of the self-imposed pressure to wake up everyday and do something or see something, and 2) cut lamenting the lack of friends I have or don’t have here, I actually found a flow and a contentment with being still and being alone. And as a result I was able to productively engage in my writing projects AND enjoy my moments of solitary wanderlusting for necessary inspiration.

Now I have a rhythm and it’s my own. Now I accept the best part of not having anything to do, is doing whatever I want to do. When I wake up, when I get to work, when I leave my house, when I get back home…it’s all up to flow. I am free to be as still as I want to be, whenever I want to be.

HOWEVER…the one consistent, non-negotiable part of my day that I am being super intentional about is how it begins. The first thing I do when I wake up is SIT STILL. I get out of bed, I sit in a little chair in my studio, I set the timer on my Centering Prayer app for 30 minutes and I just sit there silently and practice the art of being “present, open and awake” as my teacher James Finley says.

In a later post I will share some more insight from this powerfully transformational audio teaching journey I’m on with Jim. Trying my best to keep these posts to a shorter length. And it’s about that time for my midday stroll through my barrio to find some food. But trust…Hasta pronto 😉

Namaste.

wounded ambition

03 Monday Apr 2017

Posted by thecontemplativediva in #prayer, Femininity, Healing, Motivational thought, Spirituality, Uncategorized, Vocation, Women's Thought

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Their Eyes Were Watching God by Rhonda Gray

Our wounds can come to shape our ambitions. If you’ve suffered abuse, rejection, or neglect; when your worth and your identity has been threatened, you may be driven by a desire to prove your worth to yourself and others.

But “success” for approvals sake is a dangerous, arduous, and ultimately fruitless undertaking. The desire for approval is a deceptive motivator because by its energy you may in fact accomplish much, while never arriving at true fulfillment, inner peace or joy. For those on a healing journey, as inner trauma is released, we may notice our desires and ambitions begin to shift. Our definitions of success change. Let them.

The path of healing for the wounded ambition is the way of humility. And for the very wounded, who by nature of their trauma become the very proud, the journey can be hard and long.

So begin. And begin again.

Be gentle and patient with yourself.

Pride is stubborn and tough, like snake skin. But it sheds. Layer by layer.

What causes it to shed? Surrender, surrender, surrender. And submission. Submitting to a Power great than oneself. Because contrary to the wounded cry of selfish-ambition, You are not in this alone… You are not the master of your own fate. You are not the sole arbiter of your destiny.

You are one in the company of many, in the fellowship of a great I AM.

You are not even YOU at all.

Prayer for Mercy

12 Monday Sep 2016

Posted by thecontemplativediva in #prayer, Spirituality, Uncategorized

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God of Love and Mercy,

Give us your heart. Let us be overwhelmed by compassion for ourselves as we move throughout our week, doing for ourselves what we might more easily do for others. Let us be gentle and nurturing, and loving and kind to ourselves that in doing so, we are able to extend the same loving kindness to all those we encounter.