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the contemplative diva

~ #livethegray

the contemplative diva

Category Archives: Motivational thought

An Ode to My Alone Girls

01 Wednesday Apr 2020

Posted by thecontemplativediva in Femininity, Healing, Motivational thought, Spirituality, Women's Thought

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Lynette Yiadom-Boakye

This is a different kind of alone, girl

The kind you are relieved you don’t enjoy

After all

You thought you were made for this. 

You who traipse through foreign lands to meet strangers

You who never run except more deeply into herself

 

Now quarantine brings this different kind of alone girl

She who sees couples walk casually by on sidewalks through her window

She who sees photos posted on IG of people alone…but they are not selfies

 

Is anyone else really alone, girl? 

 

And now you who thought you were brave

A shadow walker, you said,

Meet the One who asks as you shimmy alone in your kitchen to Afrobeats 

“Don’t you wanna dance with somebody?” 

 

But you listen here alone girl 

You who make daily calls to check on people because you can 

You who is a first responder of all their pain 

You who knows we are all alone, really

You think you aren’t made for this? 

 

Men may live and die alone, revered

While she is forgotten, a pity 

She who swims deep with whales mystifying folks when she comes up for air

She who walks through valleys of her own shadows and flinches not

 

Come, let us be together alone, girl 

 

Take deep inhales

Breathe in all your breathtaking solitude 

Make more tea

Exhale before you sip on that hot mug of silence steaming in your hands

 

Pray for the one you know will come 

to shimmy with you in aromatic kitchens

walk quietly beside you on sidewalks past strangers windows. 

Pray they are also growing quietly more confident in their aloneness 

Readying for the order to lift 

Readying to see the new world in 20/20 vision

Readying like Rilke to become something

“…to become world, to become world…for another’s sake”

 

Until then my fierce alone girl

Be solitude

Opaque and undisputed

Light another candle

Become all flame 

 

@colliemae  

 

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wounded ambition

03 Monday Apr 2017

Posted by thecontemplativediva in #prayer, Femininity, Healing, Motivational thought, Spirituality, Uncategorized, Vocation, Women's Thought

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OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Their Eyes Were Watching God by Rhonda Gray

Our wounds can come to shape our ambitions. If you’ve suffered abuse, rejection, or neglect; when your worth and your identity has been threatened, you may be driven by a desire to prove your worth to yourself and others.

But “success” for approvals sake is a dangerous, arduous, and ultimately fruitless undertaking. The desire for approval is a deceptive motivator because by its energy you may in fact accomplish much, while never arriving at true fulfillment, inner peace or joy. For those on a healing journey, as inner trauma is released, we may notice our desires and ambitions begin to shift. Our definitions of success change. Let them.

The path of healing for the wounded ambition is the way of humility. And for the very wounded, who by nature of their trauma become the very proud, the journey can be hard and long.

So begin. And begin again.

Be gentle and patient with yourself.

Pride is stubborn and tough, like snake skin. But it sheds. Layer by layer.

What causes it to shed? Surrender, surrender, surrender. And submission. Submitting to a Power great than oneself. Because contrary to the wounded cry of selfish-ambition, You are not in this alone… You are not the master of your own fate. You are not the sole arbiter of your destiny.

You are one in the company of many, in the fellowship of a great I AM.

You are not even YOU at all.

 

an Epiphany

05 Tuesday Jan 2016

Posted by thecontemplativediva in Decision making, Motivational thought, Spirituality, Vocation

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According to some tradition, Christmas isn’t over yet. Today is the 11th day of Christmas. That song…”on the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me…” wasn’t just a randomly written folk song. In the orthodox liturgical calendar there are technically 12 days of Christmas – the first being Christmas day which is widely celebrated religiously, culturally, and commercially. The last day, the 12th day, marks the beginning of a liturgical season called Epiphany. In the greek language, the word epiphany means to reveal, to show, or to make manifest.

I love this word epiphany. Webster’s dictionary defines it as: a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience. It’s a striking definition considering I often spend a lot of time seeking or trying to gain insight into things. I love to read and research. I love to ponder things and contemplate life. Those who know me and spend time with me know me as someone who you’re not likely to have a casual conversation with. I’m always looking underneath the surface of things.

Lately, I’ve been reading a book about vocation, by Parker Palmer.  In Let Your Life Speak, Palmer writes, “If we are to live our lives fully and well, we must learn to embrace the opposites, to live in a creative tension between our limits and our potentials.” In my reading and reflection of his writing, and in examining my own gifts and vocation, I’ve come to terms with aspects of myself in ways that are both disturbing and relieving. I think we can spend a great deal of time trying to be things we are not. Or avoiding being who we are because of the limitations our gifts place upon us.

In my younger years, I was pretty much the same kind of girl I am now…I liked to read and write. I was quiet and focused. Sure, I had playful moments. I loved all the usual kid stuff…swimming, skateboarding, sledding, riding bikes…and I played just about every sport until I finally gave up softball in college. But if you put me in the house with a stack of books, I was good to go. I wasn’t a restless child, I didn’t need much company (well, I had three sisters so that was often enough!). My point is, in digging for “Who I am”…I’ve really just rediscovered who I’ve always been…. a writer. To write, requires one to sit still and focus on getting what’s in your head out onto paper…or the screen (as I’m doing now). To write also requires one to be comfortable with feeling stuck, and this odd feeling of nothingness that comes upon you. It’s akin to feeling, well, bored! But it’s in boredom’s finest moment that the muse shows up. Full of ideas. That emptying of yourself, and resisting the urge to fill the emptiness with some activity, gives my imagination the endless opportunity it desires to be filled. I know how to hold space, be present, make like a container and get filled.

So yay! I’m a writer. Vocational life crisis solved, right? Psssh. Except…coming to terms with oneself usually always means coming to terms with one’s whole self. My vocation is writing, and with it all the other mundane things I mentioned I’m really good at – being still, feeling empty, getting bored. And then new crisis emerges because none of this sounds like fun. Unless I shift my perspective and define fun based on what gives me pleasure, rather than what brings someone else pleasure.

And herein lies the Epiphany. Coming to terms with our gifts and our limitations may not always be a pleasant experience. Especially for those of us who pride ourselves in our ability to do anything or be anything. Though I often procrastinate and make excuses (would I truly be a writer if I didn’t?;) I typically do not like saying, “I can’t” do something. I like being capable and accomplished. I’m rewarded when I am able to perform tasks. And naturally, I love to be rewarded. Who doesn’t? But to get to the bottom of who we truly are, and what we are born to be and do in this world, we will have to come face to face with who we cannot be in this world. At first this meeting feels like defeat…but it passes. Like a dense fog lifting and then suddenly you see you are standing in the middle of a beautiful lavender field at sunset…sky above you stretching for miles…

Best-Time-To-Visit-Lavender-Fields-In-France1

You’ve been standing in this field your entire life. You just didn’t realize it.

A prayer for the road

22 Friday May 2015

Posted by thecontemplativediva in Decision making, Motivational thought, Spirituality

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Tags

#contemplative, #discernment, #mysticish, #solitude, #spiritualish, #spirituality, #thomasmerton, #trust, #wisdom

 

Merton Prayer_2_road

 

 

Thomas Merton, Thoughts in Solitude

Be determined

16 Saturday May 2015

Posted by thecontemplativediva in Motivational thought, Spirituality

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Tags

#determination #courage #success #wisdom #annadevearesmith

Confidence is a static state. Determination is active. Determination allows for doubt and for humility – both of which are critical in the world today. There is so much that we don’t know, and so much that we know we don’t know. To be overly confident or without doubt seems silly to me. Determination, on the other hand, is a commitment to win, a commitment to fight the good fight.

Anna Deveare Smith, Letters to a young artist

 

 

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